Floating Lights
Thoughts flowed through my mind. Floating lights on a river. I saw the things that made me who I was, the things I needed to change, the things I needed to cling to with fingernails on thread. I saw the many loved ones, the many strangers, the many haters. I saw life in it’s fullest in a few hours and then I woke up …
I rang my father, told him I was sick of him calling me “his daughter” because I was a trans son, rang my Mum, told her I loved her for always being there. Felt more relaxed.
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culturevultureexpress 
I like the voice in this, the sense that the character has been through a lot of pain. The thought/lanterns simile is a good one for dream thoughts, i think, which seem to disappear out of sight as quickly as they are formed. Your final paragraph helps to reveal at least part of the source of his pain: his father’s difficulty in accepting his transition. And caps it off with action and relief. Fully-formed, for such a short piece. Problem-action-climax-denoument.
Thank you so much. 🙂
Nice message in the story. We need to respect our differences.
Thank you so much. 🙂
This is a such a good story, Lisa. I have to mention something, though… Unless you are trying to portray a character’s dialect or lack of education, you should avoid “I seen”. It should be “I saw” or” I have seen” (or, for word count, “I’ve seen”) I seen is just grammar gone wrong…
Thank you so much for pointing out the error Dale. I have fixed it up. I think it’s a habit I’ll have to try & get out of. It’s definitely more my own dialect creeping in more than my character’s there.
Thank you so much for reading. Glad you liked the story. 🙂
Dear Lisa,
Very dreamlike story with a poignant message. However, I find myself derailed by the use of “I seen” which is never grammatically correct. “I saw” or “I’ve seen” . I felt for this person. Hope he can reconcile with his father.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle, I have changed the error. Thanks so much for pointing it out.
I hope he can reconcile with his Dad too but I think his father needs to mature a lot first.
Thank you so much for reading. 🙂
If I may, it appeared three times. 😉
Missed that. Fixed them up. Thanks so much. 🙂
That’s telling him. Good for him.
Dear Alice
I like your forthright attitude!
That sounds like a dream he needed to have to help him sort a few things out for his own peace of mind.
Definitely. Thank you for reading. 🙂
The last line. Wow!
Thank you so much. 🙂
Sounds like some things he has needed to say for a long time.
Definitely. Thank you for reading. 🙂
I really like the ‘shape’ of your story – taking us from the person gazing at the floating lights, reflecting on life’s meaning, to taking a self-defining action – coming out. It worked for me. Well done.
Thank you so much. 🙂
Wow, what an eye-opening dream–perhaps even life-changing. A very thought provoking story.
Thank you so much. 🙂
Good to do some honest talking.
It is indeed. Thank you so much for reading. 🙂
“The things I needed to cling to with fingernails on thread”
This is very true for trans people. We have to hold on to our identity with all our strength, because even if the world is not overtly hostile, even if nobody else knows our true gender, everything in society pressurises us to play a gender role that is unnatural for us. I’m really glad you highlighted that need.
I liked your story rather a lot!
Thank you so much Penny. That means a lot. 🙂
A very poetic start and a powerful story behind it. Nice one.
Thank you so much. 🙂
Fabulous. Well written. The pain and relief. Such heartfelt emotions
Thank you so much. 🙂
This is beautiful. Touched my heart.
Thank you so much. 🙂
Glad he at last took the courage and came out!! Loved the way you have started the story!
Thank you so much. 🙂
This dream is so dramatic that it’s akin to a near-death experience. Very well written.
Thank you so much. 🙂
My pleasure.
Lovely piece here. I then reread it using present simple tense and found it even more moving. Keep going.
Thank you so much. 🙂
I love the idea of the lights representing thoughts floating though his head.
Thank you so much. 🙂
Dreams can wake us up to reality in a way nothing else can. A wonderful piece with a great message.
Thank you so much. 🙂
I like ‘the introspection’ going on in the story. Vivid description.
Thank you so much. 🙂