When he was in school
he was very shy
and many of the kids
would bully him,
the gang which was headed
by his year’s meathead
would over the years
hurt and humiliate him
and made him dislike his bullies
then he felt bad for disliking them
and for not trying to understand them
and so he felt guilty.
In high school
he told his Dad that he was gay,
his Dad didn’t disown him
but spent years trying to understand
and when he finally did
he never apologised for the pain
he had caused his son,
never acknowledged it,
never said it wouldn’t happen again,
it was like it never happened,
in the time his Dad was trying to understand
he felt that was wrong,
he thought if he claims I’m equal
what is there to understand?
But then he wondered why he couldn’t try to
understand his Dad,
again he felt guilty.
He was no saint,
no angel,
by 27 he was set to marry
his boyfriend with the secret
that he had cheated on him
a few times in the early stages
of their relationship,
again he felt guilty.
But there was one thing he had learned
over the years,
to feel guilty about when he wronged someone,
not about when they wronged him
so he felt guilty about his boyfriend
but no longer about the bullies or his Dad
and while that changed nothing on the outside,
it changed everything on the inside,
those sins that weren’t his
which he had carried for years in his heart,
weighing him down
were now gone to their rightful owners
and if they had a conscience
those sins could be on theirs,
he had enough on his
without taking theirs on too.
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