Part 10: The Inner World Of Bullying

This is the tenth part in my 12-part series The Inner World Of Bullying.

There Is No Right Or Wrong Way To Feel

Photo by Alexas_Fotos on Unsplash

When I had my three experiences of bullying, I questioned my reaction to the bullying. The thing is in the first situation I reacted totally differently in how I felt about it in many ways than the other two. I guess what I am saying is that no matter how you feel, you may question it and there is no right or wrong way. The first time I had moments where things hurt me or I found things awkward or embarrassing but mostly I didn’t take much in. Thinking about why that might be could be that I was a lot younger and I was so used to it from a very young age. It was a bad part of my life but it was a part of my life I was used to at that time. Then I left school and I was in places with people who were nice, were ok and I got used to that. Then I found it harder when I found myself back in a situation where I was being bullied again. And by the time I found myself in the third situation I still felt the same as the second situation. I felt in both of the latter situations like I had lost the strength against bullying that I had the first time around. But weirdly at the same time I knew I could get through these situations because of the first situation. I worried in one situation that I was responding too well and that can’t be normal because that isn’t generally how I hear people speak about their situations of bullying. I don’t mean I liked it by any means but it didn’t get to me the same way. In the other two situations I felt like in order to get through I needed to be more like the first situation because it was getting me down more. How would I cope with all that was to come if it was getting to me quite a lot? You have enough to think about when you are facing bullying so let go of these worries. There is no right or wrong way to feel. You are not the problem. Let your feelings be authentic.

You Have The Strength

Photo by Dulcey Lima on Unsplash

I had this feeling of not being sure I had the strength for all this in the first situation but not much. My feelings of not thinking I had the strength to get through this and sort this come mainly from the second two situations. I felt very burned out in these situations and I didn’t really know what to do. I was more emotional in these two situations and fearful of how they would end. When push came to shove there was a strength in me and there is a strength within you too. When you need to defend yourself you will and you are already displaying that strength in your coping with this strange situation did by strange people. In one of these situations, I had to make a very big decision for my mental health and for myself going forward. I left the situation and I didn’t really leave it graciously shall we say. I left it with no rudeness or grudges but not letting it go by any means. I told the whole story to someone who could help me and they did help me. It was a risk because I wasn’t sure I would be believed. That was where my mindset was but I was believed and supported. It took a lot out of me to take that risk but I knew I had to. Within you is the strength to tackle any situation. Always remember that even when you see so many obstacles in your way.

Being ‘Robotic’

Photo by Alex Knight on Unsplash

Despite my feelings in certain ways where I feel burned out, emotional, awkward, embarrassed or hurt, the most prominent thing I have in these situations but in general is a sense of being what I call ‘robotic’. I am very strong and I battle through. The robotic feeling is that things don’t get to me and even when I feel burned out or whatever, it isn’t because I believe what they say. It’s the stress of the situation and not knowing what to do about it. I did face gaslighting in my life too so that is probably why I don’t take in what bullies say. I have been told by loved ones that I probably irritate bullies because their words don’t hurt me and I don’t really lose my head with them. I laugh about my ‘robotic’ ways. My walls of robot can come down with nice people but those walls protect me with bullies.

The Stereotype About How Someone Who Is Bullied Feels

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

In society, we paint a person who is being bullied as sitting in a corner, head in hands and crying. That is how some people feel and like every way of feeling, that is a very valid way to feel. However we need to open the idea of what someone feels like when they are bullied quite a lot. Some people are robotic. Some people are angry. Some people laugh at their bullies. Often people’s journeys are a combination of many or all of these things, stereotype included or excluded. People’s emotions and reactions are more complex and varied. The stereotype is more complex than the story it portrays too. We need to get beyond simplifying the emotions someone faces or is supposed to face when they are being bullied. It is the reason why when someone stands up to bullying, many say they aren’t being bullied. It is the reason when someone who is being bullied shows anger about their bully, many say they aren’t bullied. There is three takeaways here. The stereotype is not to be run down because that is some people’s experience but it is more complex than the stereotype. Also the stereotype doesn’t fit everyone some, much of or all of the time and that doesn’t mean they aren’t being bullied. We need to judge bullying by the ugliness of what it is and not on the basis of whether the person reacts how we think they should. No two people react completely the same. And no one who is bullied is weak. Also finally, the blame for the stereotype is not on people who fit the stereotype. Too often in this situation or lots of different situations, those in a group of people sometimes blame people who are like the stereotype because they think they are the reason they are painted with that stereotype or are giving into the stereotype in some way. It is never the person who fits the stereotype’s issue. It is the issue of society and people who believe that stereotype. Blame the right people please.

‘You Are Strong So I Am Sure You Will Be Fine’

Photo by Giulia May on Unsplash

This is a comment I have heard people say to people who are being bullied. Everyone who is being bullied is strong regardless of how they react. This comment is said however more to people who don’t fit society’s idea of how a person who is being bullied should react. It is often said in a belittling, dismissive type of way and with the idea that because you are deemed strong by them that you aren’t really being bullied. The false idea that people who are truly bullied are not strong. It is an unhealthy phrase. I am not talking about people who encourage you that you are strong enough to get through this and support you but about people who belittle your experience because you don’t fit their idea of someone who is being bullied. These people are judging the person who is being bullied and it’s a hard enough situation without that.

Part 9: The Inner World Of Bullying

This is the ninth part in my 12-part series The Inner World Of Bullying.

Using Bullying

Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash

One of the many reasons I started doing these posts was because I have noticed nowadays that many are using bullying as a way to shut people up. As someone who was bullied for most of their life, seeing people use it makes me feel sick. There is for instance a lot of people who have political debates or debates about social issues in for example a Facebook group or on a forum and because things were said to them that they didn’t like they come out of the situation saying they were bullied. That isn’t bullying, simple as that. Bullying is repetitive and it is not a debate. If I said everyone I debated with was bullying me a lot more people would have bullied me than actually did. When you go through repetitive, constant, unprovoked and cruel bullying over a period of time you know the difference. In a debate both people have their say and if someone is not spoiled they can both come away from the situation and move on. Or rant and move on. Using people’s real traumatic experiences is a different thing all together and using that in a bid to shut the other person up or turn people against them is also out of order.

Workplace Bullying

Photo by Icons8 Team on Unsplash

Workplace bullying is very common. I had two experiences of it. Most places people are nice but you find some people who aren’t so nice. Bullying in the workplace is very difficult to deal with because after a while you can find yourself getting burned out or not looking forward to going into work. One of the situations I was in was with one person and the other was with two people. Both difficult situations but the dynamics were different. I am a strong cookie but I can also see when boundaries have been crossed and the situation is getting too dangerous. When you are in these situations trust your gut. Give it a little time to make sure but if you have a gut instinct that bullying is taking place it more than likely is. If you feel like you want to stay and fight the situation, do so but don’t let yourself be burned out. It would be for the best to tell someone in charge, if possible, but I know you may need to read what the right time to do that is. There is also no shame in leaving. It does not make you weak. It is often a very strong thing to do.

Responsibilities You Feel

Photo by Dom Fou on Unsplash

When you are being bullied, one of the reasons you may stay in the situation is because you are being responsible. If you are in a job you fear that if you don’t stay in it, you are not being responsible in regards to your job. You feel like you are not responsible in leaving your job which is financially helping your loved ones and you. You feel worried that the Social Welfare will leave you without your money for nine weeks (or whatever the rules are where you live) if you leave. If you are bullied in a school or college situation, you can feel responsible to stay for various reasons. What if your parents, guardians or other loved ones paid for the fees to attend this school or college? If there is no fees in a school, the idea that they paid for the books, uniform, etc … leaves you with a feeling of responsibility. If there is no fees in your school and travelling to a new school would cost your parents, guardians or other loved ones money then you feel a responsibility to stay.

To Stay

Photo by Jens Lelie on Unsplash

If someone decides to stay in the situation, it is a difficult road. I would advise to get support from your loved ones and I would advise you to get support from someone who can help sort the situation out. However the latter is difficult to do depending on the situation. For example you may feel in a dilemma because there might not be much support higher up, you may worry that it might make the bullying worse or cause you to lose your job. Seek advice, think out if there is anyone higher up who may have your back and decide whether the risk is worth the fallout at this time. However if you are to stay long term you do need to take some risks because you cannot stay in the situation as it is long-term. It isn’t healthy for your mental health and though I understand the dilemmas you can face, the last thing you should do is put up with it.

To Leave

Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash

While I have said what I think one could do if they decide to stay, I think if the situation is getting out of hand, you should not stay if it is going to affect you and there is no other way to fix it. Leaving does not mean they win or that you are weak. It takes a lot of strength to leave somewhere where you are content otherwise. But your mental health is the main thing. I also want to say that right now it seems a big deal what you are doing but it is just an opening to a new chapter and you will be much happier once you leave the toxic situation. If you can get your story out there first because bullying should never be just let go and sometimes by way of explanation or to keep your money or college fees you may need to explain these things for yourself. Remember you are not to blame and you don’t owe your bullies anything. You are nice and you didn’t set out for this but don’t be so nice as to let these people off either. You are doing nothing wrong by doing so.

Don’t Take Bullies Seriously

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Bullies talk out of their arse. The problem is their words repeating over and over get into your mind but their words are meaningless and all rubbish when you don’t take them or their words seriously. Easier said than done as the stress of the situation can get you down more and more over time. But as much as you can laugh at the silliness of your bullies. Don’t take them as important. I am not saying not to see the seriousness too and I want to be clear on that but taking bullies as the joke that they are can help you in a situation where you are being bullied even briefly and when you go back into a situation with a bully it can make their words less effective while you plan your next move of staying or leaving.

Beauty On A Budget: Casual Everyday Look!

Hi everyone! đź™‚

Here is my latest Beauty On A Budget look. Hope you all like it. đź™‚

First Steps

Use MakeUp Gallery Smoothly Does It Pressed Powder – Honey Beige on your face and neck. Use Hide & Chic Supersize Liquid Concealer – Vanilla under your eyes. Blend in well. Put a bit from the Golddigga 24 Carat Glam Set Gold Glitter Pot on the top of your cheeks. Blend in well. Put Miss Beauty London’s Eye Crayon – Cocoa on your eyelids.

Final Steps

Put Miss Beauty London’s High Shine LipGloss – Show Off on your lips. Put more in the middle of your bottom lip. Put a pale pink shade from Simple Pleasures High Shine Lip Gloss over Show Off. Again put more in the centre of your bottom lip. Cover both with Miss Beauty London’s Lipstick Sealer.

Valley Of The Dolls By Jacqueline Susann Review!

Valley Of The Dolls (1966) by Jacqueline Susann is an amazing read.

Set mostly in New York City, the book follows the friendship of its three protagonists Anne Welles, Neely O’Hara and Jennifer North from 1945-1965. The novel has many themes throughout like love, mental health, drug dependency, anorexia and trying to find your purpose in the world and the pressures and judgements you face from both yourself and others to do so. The book also speaks about breast cancer when Jennifer is diagnosis with breast cancer.

I actually read this book quite a long time ago but I never got to review it. It has always been a book I have absolutely adored. There is so much honest commentary about society in it and in so many ways it was a book that was very much ahead of its time but was the biggest selling book the year it was released so clearly it was what the public was looking for. The characters are brilliant and I really got engrossed in their stories and their friendship. The writing style is very conversational and I really like that style of writing. I particularly liked Neely but I think the diverse personalities of the three main characters makes this book work very well and the fact we see all their different points of view in different chapters helps us understand their points of view and how they react more. I really loved the book.

A must-read.

To purchase Valley Of The Dolls by Jacqueline Susann go to:

For more about Jacqueline Susann and her work go to:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacqueline_Susann

Fix It Duck By Jez Alborough Review!

Fix It Duck (2001) by Jez Alborough is a great read.

The book, from the author’s Duck series, follows Duck as he tries to fix every situation he encounters with disastrous and hilarious results. This book is really entertaining and written so well. The pace and twists are excellent and the illustrations, also by Jez Alborough, are wonderful. Really great characters and dialogue driving the story are the cherries on top for this book. Everything just works so well. Very enjoyable and engrossing.

A must-read.

To purchase Fix It Duck by Jez Alborough go to:

For more about Jez Alborough and his work go to:

http://jezalborough.com/club/?q=bio

The Return Of The Dragon By Don Briggs Review!

The Return Of The Dragon (2017) by Don Briggs is a great read.

Excellently illustrated by Naomi Peppard, the story is about a young boy and his dragon who goes missing. The story follows the search for the dragon. 100% of the proceeds go to Temple Street Hospital which is a wonderful charity. Everything with the book is put together so well. A really lovely story, well told through the words and pictures.

Really, really excellent. A must-read.

Unfortunately I couldn’t find details on where to purchase the book where I am sure the proceeds go to Temple Street but here is more about the book and author at the following links. Definitely you can purchase and donate I would definitely recommend doing so.

Links:

https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/books/the-return-of-the-dragon-and-the-boy-who-inspired-it-1.3290455

For more about Naomi Peppard and her work go to:

https://www.naomipeppard.com/

For more about Temple Street go to:

https://www.cuh.ie/

Dodgy Football Fashion By James Cleary Review!

Dodgy Football Fashion (2010) by James Cleary is a book about the not so fashionable outfits male footballers have worn over the years.

I found quite a lot of the book enjoyable and it was great to look at all the outfits, some of which I liked and others which I agreed weren’t so good. Some of the commentary was interesting and good but some of the commentary was more dodgy than some of the outfits. The book has a handy layout in terms of the different sections. It’s a good trip into the history of football fashion which was interesting but yeah, overall it could have been better.

To purchase Dodgy Football Fashion by James Cleary go to:

For more information about James Cleary and their work go to:

https://www.goodreads.com/author/list/2000949.James_Cleary

Impressions of London At Night (Impressions of Series) By AA Publishing Review!

Impressions of London At Night (Impressions of Series) (2010) by AA Publishing is a great book.

This book has lots of images of various landmarks in London. The photography is really stunningly shot, breathtaking photos and would be great for any tourist, anyone interested in London and for a coffee table. It is very well put together. There is not much history or information about the landmarks which I didn’t mind as I don’t think that’s what the book was going for but if readers are looking for that, it isn’t really in this book.

Very entertaining and enjoyable.

To purchase Impressions of London At Night (Impressions of Series) by AA Publishing go to:

For more about AA Publishing and their work go to:

https://www.theaa.com/books

Life Will Be the Death of Me: . . . and You Too! By Chelsea Handler Review!

Life Will Be the Death of Me: … and You Too! (2019) by Chelsea Handler is a great read.

The book follows Chelsea’s story as she begins therapy with her therapist on a journey to uncover where her pain comes from and why she reacts how she reacts. She realises that she wishes to be less openly opinionated, to feel less entitled, to learn more empathy and discovers much about her feelings in regards to romantic relationships. She talks with her therapist about her grief for her brother, mother and father and learns how her grief has impacted her life. In the book we meet Chelsea’s four dogs and really get to know their personalities. The book also includes much about politics in the aftermath of Donald Trump becoming President in the US.

I found the book really emotive and raw. It felt like a very honest write which I can’t imagine was easy to do. It was also very funny and witty in parts. The writing style was very conversational and the book was really well put together and the topics spoken about were very relevant to the world now.

A must-read.

To purchase Life Will Be the Death of Me: . . . and You Too! by Chelsea Handler go to:

For more about Chelsea Handler and her work go to:

https://www.chelseahandler.com/

5 Videos To Watch This Week On YouTube!

Hi everybody! 🙂

Here is my five latest suggestions.

Social Issues

First up we have episode 42 in Crash Course’s excellent Black American History series with Clint Smith. In this episode Clint talks about the War On Drugs and the prejudice black and brown people faced during the War On Drugs. Again a very interesting episode.

Fashion

Next up we have the Fendi Menswear Spring Summer 2023 by Silvia Venturini. So many excellent looks.

Music

Next up we have the music video for This Hell by Rina Sawayama. Such a greap bop and fun, creative music video.

Next up we have the music video for Easy Love by Sigala. Very catchy and brilliant dancing and storytelling in the music video.

Finally here is the music video for The Logical Song by Scooter. Very easy to dance to, a lot of fun and great music video.