I’m going to write a few posts over time on different aspects when you are pansexual in a little series that I have very unimaginatively called Pansexuality & … This is the first of the series dealing with explaining.
Ok, so it’s not like everyone is going to instantly ask you your sexuality. That would be rather rude. Some might but they are a whole other story altogether. But when you get to know people it comes up in very casual ways like who are you into so they can set you up with someone and the like. I probably have been guilty of partially shutting myself off from getting into meaningful relationships either romantic or friendship because I fear the awkwardness which would follow saying I was pansexual. There is many people of course who wouldn’t care but you can’t always tell who they are. Not everyone at this stage knows what pansexual even means so you feel like you are opening yourself up to possible ignorant questions or possible horror on the face of someone who liked you before. Obviously that’s a problem they have but it can hurt nonetheless. That’s why I feel more comfortable with people who are pansexual or somewhere in the middle with their sexuality because I know they’d understand me. In saying that I don’t want to shut people out who aren’t in the middle because there is lovely people too who aren’t. It’s just a very nerve-wrecking thing often to open up to people who you aren’t sure will get you. And then if you defend yourself you’re deemed too sensitive. Which you’re not.
And it can be difficult because when you are going for anything it’s an extra thing to worry about. You want to get to know people but you feel like in some way when they know they’ll always see you as “different” or “something other”. Crazy I know but it is often true. The first thing that would be in so many peoples’ heads when they’d see me would be “She’s the pansexual girl.” and I am very happy and content in my sexuality but there’s more to me than it. It becomes something to comment on and I never think of anyone’s sexuality as something to comment on. It’s just part of them. So that makes you uneasy as well. I don’t think sometimes people put themselves in other peoples’ shoes. It’s uncomfortable when people comment on your sexuality and not everyone else’s. Take for instance if I commented on Kate (fictional obviously) being “the straight girl” and never on anyone else’s sexuality, Kate would get pissed off and she’d be right. And I’m no different. And part of the fear is not wanting to get into conflict with someone while they play the “I meant no harm” card.
Communications have an added fear for many of us who are pansexual. I’m an introvert anyway so it’s double the added fear! 🙂 Just be kind to each other, treat each other the same, we all just want to get on in life and be happy. Don’t do anything on people of a particular sexuality or sexualities that you wouldn’t do on another or others. I know most people don’t want to make other people feel uncomfortable so make a real effort not to. Then everyone will be a lot happier in their day-to-day communications.