Friday Fictioneers: Floating Lights

 

 

 

 

Floating Lights

 

Thoughts flowed through my mind. Floating lights on a river. I saw the things that made me who I was, the things I needed to change, the things I needed to cling to with fingernails on thread. I saw the many loved ones, the many strangers, the many haters. I saw life in it’s fullest in a few hours and then I woke up …

I rang my father, told him I was sick of him calling me “his daughter” because I was a trans son, rang my Mum, told her I loved her for always being there. Felt more relaxed.

 

My book Black Coat based on a previous Friday Fictioneers prompt is available at:

 

For Friday Fictioneers Writing Prompt. Check out the website at:

https://rochellewisoff.com/

45 comments on “Friday Fictioneers: Floating Lights

  1. 4963andypop says:

    I like the voice in this, the sense that the character has been through a lot of pain. The thought/lanterns simile is a good one for dream thoughts, i think, which seem to disappear out of sight as quickly as they are formed. Your final paragraph helps to reveal at least part of the source of his pain: his father’s difficulty in accepting his transition. And caps it off with action and relief. Fully-formed, for such a short piece. Problem-action-climax-denoument.

  2. abhiray59 says:

    Nice message in the story. We need to respect our differences.

  3. Dale says:

    This is a such a good story, Lisa. I have to mention something, though… Unless you are trying to portray a character’s dialect or lack of education, you should avoid “I seen”. It should be “I saw” or” I have seen” (or, for word count, “I’ve seen”) I seen is just grammar gone wrong…

    • lisarey1990 says:

      Thank you so much for pointing out the error Dale. I have fixed it up. I think it’s a habit I’ll have to try & get out of. It’s definitely more my own dialect creeping in more than my character’s there.

      Thank you so much for reading. Glad you liked the story. πŸ™‚

  4. Dear Lisa,

    Very dreamlike story with a poignant message. However, I find myself derailed by the use of “I seen” which is never grammatically correct. “I saw” or “I’ve seen” . I felt for this person. Hope he can reconcile with his father.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  5. Alice Audrey says:

    That’s telling him. Good for him.

  6. draliman says:

    That sounds like a dream he needed to have to help him sort a few things out for his own peace of mind.

  7. Piyali says:

    The last line. Wow!

  8. Iain Kelly says:

    Sounds like some things he has needed to say for a long time.

  9. I really like the ‘shape’ of your story – taking us from the person gazing at the floating lights, reflecting on life’s meaning, to taking a self-defining action – coming out. It worked for me. Well done.

  10. Wow, what an eye-opening dream–perhaps even life-changing. A very thought provoking story.

  11. jillyfunnell says:

    Good to do some honest talking.

  12. pennygadd51 says:

    “The things I needed to cling to with fingernails on thread”
    This is very true for trans people. We have to hold on to our identity with all our strength, because even if the world is not overtly hostile, even if nobody else knows our true gender, everything in society pressurises us to play a gender role that is unnatural for us. I’m really glad you highlighted that need.
    I liked your story rather a lot!

  13. subroto says:

    A very poetic start and a powerful story behind it. Nice one.

  14. Laurie Bell says:

    Fabulous. Well written. The pain and relief. Such heartfelt emotions

  15. This is beautiful. Touched my heart.

  16. Glad he at last took the courage and came out!! Loved the way you have started the story!

  17. magarisa says:

    This dream is so dramatic that it’s akin to a near-death experience. Very well written.

  18. Lovely piece here. I then reread it using present simple tense and found it even more moving. Keep going.

  19. Jan Morrill says:

    I love the idea of the lights representing thoughts floating though his head.

  20. gahlearner says:

    Dreams can wake us up to reality in a way nothing else can. A wonderful piece with a great message.

  21. Priya says:

    I like ‘the introspection’ going on in the story. Vivid description.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.