Part 3: The Inner World Of Bullying

white and red car illustration
Photo by Dee @ Copper and Wild on Unsplash

This is the third part in my 12-part series The Inner World Of Bullying.

What To Do If You Are Being Bullied

Image by Wokandapix from Pixabay

The first option is always to inform someone who can help you out of the situation. Talking to someone you trust who has power to stop what is going on can be a very powerful way to end a situation like bullying. However the sad truth is that this is not the situation which every person who is being bullied finds themselves in. Often people are in situations where someone will turn a blind eye to what is going on or will temporarily bring the situation to an end only for the bullying to start up all over again when the dust settles. In some cases the bullying can become worse because the person who is being bullied is seen as a ‘snitch’. I even witnessed a situation where a lovely lad I knew was being bullied and he told someone with the authority to stop it but instead they began to bully him too. So how much you trust the person definitely needs to be taken into consideration when you are informing people that you are being bullied. In addition there is often not policies in place in certain places to protect people who are being bullied and it is very clear that many places do not want to deal with any bullying issues. It is a sad fact that many people who are being bullied suffer more than they would due to lack of trust that people in powerful positions will do anything about it and that their information and openness will be used against them in some way or ways. In saying that there is lots of people in powerful positions who won’t tolerate such behaviour and if you are lucky enough to have someone who you think will be on your side in this situation please do open up to them. It could change everything for you. I had a situation in one of my workplaces where one of my coworkers was bullying me and when I spoke to someone I trusted in power in my workplace I had no more trouble from that person. Thank you so much to that person who helped me. I will always appreciate what you done to help.

Open Up To A Loved One

Image by Gennaro Leonardi from Pixabay

People are often hesitant to open up to a loved one because they are afraid of being a burden or to worry their loved one. But believe me from experience (my loved ones are everything! :-)) most loved ones would really want to know what you are going through and to help and support you in any way they can. They want to be there for you. Let them. You are never a burden to them. Yes, they will worry but that’s what being a loved one is like. But they would rather know and it would upset them to know you were going through all of this on your own more in the long run.

Other Support

Image by Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke from Pixabay

There is many helplines and support groups out there. If you are being bullied and are in a position where you have no one to trust with the information, many of these helplines and support groups can be absolutely invaluable and can help you with the situation you find yourself in. Also therapy can be an option if you have the funds to cover it and can really help you get through the range of emotions you have when you are going through such an ugly experience.

Know Your Rights

Photo by Giulia May on Unsplash

While not all bullying is considered illegal, a lot of bullying is illegal as it falls under illegal activities such as harassment, lack of child protection and hate crimes. It is important to know your rights and I know it can be difficult to look up all this information when you would rather forget it is even happening when you are away from your bully or bullies but knowledge is power and will therefore be your best friend. Don’t burn yourself out researching but do give time to it because it will help you when presenting your case in a legal capacity and it will help you whether you do decide to pursue legal action or not to know what is acceptable under the law and what is not as you are experiencing it. It will give you some peace of mind that you are protected should you take legal action. Keep a record of the incidents which occur so that you have your case compiled well together and therefore giving the bully or bullies less chance to make out you are lying.

Judge The Situation And The Person/People You Are Dealing With

Basically what I mean by judge is size the bully or bullies up, observe them. This will give you a better idea of how to approach situations you find yourself in. Bullies are not reasonable people so don’t try to reason with them but decide whether ignoring them would be best or killing them with kindness would work best. Maybe you need to respond something back to them, it depends and you get your answers from observing what doesn’t suit them over time. The situation is also something you need to think about such as is this your boss or one of your boss’ favourite employees? Responding back could be dangerous for you in a situation like this as they could twist it around to say you are bullying them when you are simply defending yourself or you could lose your job and you might not be in a position to be able to do that.

Keep Your Mental Health Good

Photo by madison lavern on Unsplash

Keeping your mental health in good condition during such an ordeal can be extremely difficult. The nature of bullying is that it makes you second guess yourself and it can lower your confidence so it takes a lot of strength to keep your mental health in good condition. But let me tell you something you have that strength in you whether you think you do or not. Try your best to ignore their comments, to treat it as a nasty part of the day by a vicious person or people and not take anything they say seriously in any way. Any power a bully has is sucked the life out of once you take their taunts with a pinch of salt. Of course physical violence is a different matter and will need to be dealt with through a powerful person or by the law but the likes of comments can be helped to mean nothing if you fight their comments with your confidence. Pay them no heed whatsoever. Say affirmations to keep yourself feeling positive. Do meditation or relax to some ASMR. Write, do something creative to get your emotions and frustrations out. Do positive self-talk. Do activities you enjoy doing and spend time with people you love. Do breathing exercises. Fitness can relieve stress. Praying can help people who are religious. Thinking of your goals and your future after this event will help too. Some affirmations and self-talk can be good while you are in the environment where you are being bullied after the incidents or during your breaks. It can calm your emotions down and bring your confidence back up. Just make sure not to be noticed doing them or the bully or bullies will feel they have the upper hand on you or try to make you believe you are too sensitive and not capable. The breathing exercises can be done during breaks too or in a moment where the bullies won’t notice. Sometimes going for a bathroom break can be a good way to disguise that you are going to the bathroom to get your head in gear but leave it till a good bit after the incident to not make it too obvious. Yes I know it might sound like the bully is ruling the roost a bit too much but that’s not true. Being too honest with a bully can be dangerous for your mind. They don’t care about your feelings and they will play on that honesty. They feed off it often. Sometimes you do have to write out your frustrations or something like that then go in and smile at them, wish them a good morning. That annoys them more. I guess what I am saying is that for your mental health you need to play a few games with them often. Yes, I know you aren’t a person who does. Neither am I. I want to go into an environment and get on with everyone there if possible and not have to encounter these types of people but the sad fact is that they are out there and to get by you need to play a few games of your own. Heaven knows they are playing enough of them so don’t feel bad about it. It says nothing bad about you, it’s survival. And could I be mischievous enough to say, sometimes fun? 🙂

5 Videos To Watch This Week On YouTube!

Hi everybody! 🙂

Here is my five suggestions for this week.

Social Issues

Firstly we have episode 19 in the Black American History series from Crash Course with Clint Smith. Another incredibly informative episode where Clint speaks about The Reconstruction Era. Clint speaks about W.E.B. Dubois, William T. Sherman, Thaddeus Stevens, the Reconstruction Amendments, the Freedmen’s Bureau, Hiram Revels, Blanche Kelso Bruce and Martha Jones. A really interesting video about the intersectionality of race and gender. Excellent as usual.

Art

From Ted-Ed, here is a really interesting biography about artist Frida Kahlo. The biography is narrated wonderfully by Iseult Gillespie and is really well animated. A really great watch.

TV

Next is part 4 in Mikeekee’s amazing Drag Race compilations. Very enjoyable as always.

Fourth up we have all the dances from week 1 of Strictly Come Dancing in the UK. I am currently enjoying the series and everyone done so well in week one. Some really good ones in there but I have my two favourites AJ and Kai and John and Johannes.

Music

Finally here is a really excellent song by Misha B called Do You Think Of Me. The music video for the song is amazing too. Very storytelling.

Beauty On A Budget: Halloween Look

Hi everyone! 🙂

Here is my latest Beauty On A Budget look. Hope you all like it. 🙂

First Steps

Use Miss Beauty London’s powder – Autumn Beige on your face and neck. Brush eyebrows and put the black colour from Max & More’s 12 Color Eyeshadow Palette on your eyebrows. Put on OG Outdoor Girl Blusher on your cheeks. Make a black circle on your forehead with the black colour from Max & More’s 12 Color Eyeshadow Palette. Blend some of the white colour from the same palette into it and blend more black on top of it. Put Glow Up red lipstick around it to make a bullet with blood around it. Make two bruises on your forehead with the same lipstick and the black and purple colours from Max & More’s 12 Color Eyeshadow Palette. Blend the three colours together. Put red eyeshadow from the Bestow-Store Eyeshadow Palette, Bestow Cosmetic Matte Eyeshadow 40 Color Cream Makeup Palette Shimmer + Brush Set (Black B) on your eyelids. Extend it out the sides of your eyelids. Use the black colour from the same palette under your eyelids. Smudge the dark grey colour from the Max & More’s 12 Color Eyeshadow Palette underneath. Make the bruises on your nose and cheek using the same method as for the bruises on your forehead. Run Glow Up red lipstick from the corners of your eyes and down the sides of your nose. Do the same under your nose but have one line running into your lip and the other not. Draw an ax on your cheek with the black colour from the Bestow-Store palette. Use first white colour in the same palette to fill in the ax. Use Glow Up red lipstick to create the blood spilling from the ax and ax wound. Drab thedark grey colour from Max & More’s 12 Color Eyeshadow Palette around different parts of your face to give more of a disheveled look. Blend it in well.

Final Steps

Put Glow Up red lipgloss on your lips. Bring it down under your lip a bit to create a dripping blood lip. Cover lips with Miss Beauty London’s Lipstick Sealer. Use Glow Up red lipstick to create cut throat look on your neck. Ruffle your hair up to make it more messy.

Poem: The Spiral

Photo by Grooveland Designs on Unsplash

Did I say something wrong?

Did I do something wrong?

What will this mean for my life?

How can I live with doing this?

How can I be certain I didn’t do anything wrong?

If I retrace my steps I can work this out,

I need to be reassured,

I have a lot on today and how will I cope

with this on my mind?

I can’t do this,

I have to do this

but I need to figure this out,

I need to sure,

I need to be certain,

how can I go and act with people

with this on my head?

I don’t deserve people being nice to me,

I am a bad person,

I know I’m not really a bad person

but what if I am a bad person?

I need to be strong,

I need to be,

how do I do this?

My OCD will not beat me today,

I will fight.

Part 2: The Inner World Of Bullying

white and red car illustration
Photo by Dee @ Copper and Wild on Unsplash

This is the second part in my 12-part series The Inner World Of Bullying.

The Aftermath

Photo by Matt Duncan on Unsplash

The aftermath of bullying can be a difficult and rather emotional time. What needs to be remembered about bullying is that it is a traumatic event in anyone’s life and coming out of that trauma can be both a relief and the start of a lot of rebuilding. A person doesn’t really leave bullying without having scars. But on the other side there is a lot of good qualities someone gains or further strengthens due to their experiences being bullied. Obviously no one should need to gain or strengthen these skills from such an experience but there is some good things which come out of the bad times.

Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem

Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

It can take some time to rebuild your self-esteem after being bullied. Sometimes it can be things you didn’t get to look after as much while facing the constant barrage of bullying or it can sometimes come as things you didn’t think you would worry about but when you have more time to think you begin to realise that there is scars there you didn’t think you had. It can also become something you think about when you are entering into new situations. What happens to your self-esteem is that negative things about yourself being repeated to you over and over again begins to become ‘true’ in your mind and that can become dangerous for how someone sees themself. Usually the things which have been said the most to you are the things you feel unsure about. In my case it was said a lot about my introverted personality in a negative way. I also may have Social Anxiety Disorder but I do need to look more into that. But in any case the fact I wasn’t a huge talker was something which was negatively spoken about when I was being bullied. I didn’t overly worry about this when I was in school but after I left and was starting to go into new environments with new people it became something I was extremely aware of. Because I had been made very aware of it. I’m not there yet but I am beginning to gradually appreciate and love that side of me. I have got that love and appreciation back inwardly but I still have some work to do on being openly appreciative of it, to say I love my personality outwardly in everyday situations. I never really done that before because it never was seen as a good thing. It was always seen as something to be fixed. I need to openly say this is me, I am happy and I love who I am in this aspect and if anyone else doesn’t like it that’s their problem. For someone else they might be very aware about for example their hair or their ability to learn new things if those were areas which were constantly put under a microscope.

Trust Issues

Photo by Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash

Someone who is bullied will often experience having trust issues in the aftermath. When you think about it it is obvious why. For so long someone is facing the nasty, ugly side of life and that becomes what a person is used to. Though they don’t want to be untrusting of people they meet after their experiences, they often are. It can be incredibly difficult to know who is going to be kind to you and who is out to hurt or offend you. You don’t want to find yourself back in a situation like you were before and you protect yourself so that you are not. But in doing so you can miss out on making connections with people who want to get to know you and are for your good. But you are scared to open up and let what happens happen. You remain guarded as a shield. Though deep down in your mind you know that your lack of trust is often somewhat, and mostly is, irrational you still protect yourself from the possibility that the people you are meeting are not what they seem and will use your openness as a weakness to exploit.

Strength

Photo by visuals on Unsplash

When you have been bullied, you often gain a lot of strength. This is because you have been treated so badly before and had to face so much that you can pretty much survive anything. There is an irony in certain ways because you protect yourself a lot from getting into difficult situations but when you do get into them there is a deep strength inside you that can handle anything. I sometimes don’t believe that I can survive things but when I am in them I do and I do so well. It’s because I’ve been through tougher experiences in the past such as bullying and therefore when faced with tough situations I tend to be able to get through them. Though bullying fills a lot of people with self-esteem issues people are very strong because they have had to be in the past and they bring that to their experiences now.

Compassion

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

I said in my last post that some people who have been bullied become bullies themselves. But the majority of people who face bullying are the total opposite. Because the nature of bullying is relentlessly bullying someone for being different in some way, people who have been bullied can’t stand to see people being singled out and made feel uncomfortable for who they are. And when I say can’t stand, I mean really can’t stand. It makes a person feel really unhappy for that person. Whether that is seeing someone being bullied or being singled out for being who they are when that person is not hurting or offending anyone else it is something that person has been through too. So a person who has been bullied is very compassionate and often defends and looks out for people in similar situations. They don’t pity. They understand and they support. Being incredibly passionate about people being happy, comfortable and treated equally are huge traits that people who have been bullied generally have. They don’t leave people out even when they don’t like them. They might debate with them especially if what they do or say could make a person uncomfortable or make their life harder but they also don’t leave them out.

It Gets Better Over Time

Photo by Luis Galvez on Unsplash

It would be untrue to say that certain scars will not probably always remain. Searching for perfection in terms of being completely free of your traumatic experience of bullying is probably unattainable and will only make you feel worse when you can’t overcome certain insecurities all the time or if you feel things are not going away fast enough. However things do get better and you do work through a lot of things which you fear due to your experiences though it does often take time. You need to be kind to yourself and understand that you are doing great considering the things you have went through. It is traumatic in a lot of ways in the aftermath and it doesn’t always feel very fair because you didn’t ask to be bullied, no one deserves that and it can feel like weights have been put on your shoulders that never needed to be put there by people who can go on about their lives with a confidence which they took away from you. A confidence you have to rebuild that you should have been free to have all the time and that realisation can hurt and can make you angry. That is completely normal to feel. You may feel resentment and that’s normal to feel but I urge you to let it go in your own time because that’s not going to eat them up, it will eat you up and they will succeed in that way. Don’t let them succeed. I have learned to forgive those who bullied me but that can take time so give yourself as much time as you need on that one. It is very freeing for me to do but I don’t subscribe to the idea that you have to. If you never feel like you want to forgive those who have bullied you, you are well within your right never to do that. You have been the one who has been hurt or offended or affected in some way or ways so it is completely up to you whether you ever do or not and you don’t need to feel any pressure to do so or to feel guilty if you don’t. You know what’s in your own heart, go with that. Talk to people you trust about your experiences and how they affected you. It can really help you to figure stuff out and progress through the pain. Don’t ever feel like you should be over it by now. There is no deadline and people have a different pace at working through stuff so go at your own pace. Finally don’t be ashamed to cry. Crying is never a weakness and it can help release a lot of stress and tension which has built up in your mind and your body.

Beauty On A Budget: Daytime, Casual Look

Hi everyone! 🙂

Here is my latest Beauty On A Budget look. Hope you all like it. 🙂

First Steps

Use Miss Beauty London’s powder – Autumn Beige on your face and neck. Brush eyebrows and put the black colour from Max & More’s 12 Color Eyeshadow Palette on your eyebrows and under your eyelids. Put the pinkish-purple colour from Max & More’s 12 Color Eyeshadow Palette on your eyelids. Put Miss Beauty London’s False Lash Effect Mascara – Black on your eyelashes. Put on OG Outdoor Girl Blusher on your cheeks.

Final Steps

Put Miss Beauty London High Shine Lip Gloss – Show Off and cover with Miss Beauty London’s Lipstick Sealer over it.

Poem: Coach Trip

Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

She met her on a coach trip,

two introverts sitting beside each other,

no talking for the first hour,

second hour was the beginning of the start

and once they started there was no stopping them,

away the bus went down another hill

and away they chatted and chatted

about their families,

their pasts,

their interests,

by hour four they opened up slightly more

and talked about some of the things

they feared

and some of the dreams they had for the future,

what neither knew then was that

they were soon to fall in love and that

they would be sharing that future together.

5 Videos To Watch This Week On YouTube!

Hi everybody! 🙂

Here is my five suggestions for this week.

Social Issues

First up is the story of the amazing and very brave activist and journalist Ida B. Wells narrated by Christina Greer for Ted-Ed. I loved this video. It was really interesting and the way the animations are put together helps really tell the story. It was lovely to learn more about Ida’s story and to see it being put together in such a creative way.

Also narrated by Christina Greer for Ted-Ed, here is the animated story of Bayard Rustin who was an activist who in his work helped organise the March on Washington Movement. I found his story really interesting and I hadn’t heard his story before so it was great to hear about his story. The animations like the first video are amazing and Christina Greer once again does an amazing job on the narration side of things. Really excellent video.

Fashion

Iman’s Met Gala outfit was simply stunning and it was great in this video from Vogue to see the making of the outfit and the lead-up to the Met Gala. The video shows Iman meeting the designer of her outfit Harris Reed and shows the team behind the making of the fabulous outfit. Amazing outfit and really interesting. It was great to see the whole behind-the-scenes of it, like a mini fashion documentary.

Music

Lil Nas X released his debut album Montero recently and this is a very fun video he done about the album’s release. The video is set in The Montero Show where Lil Nas X is being interviewed about his music videos with clips being shown from the music videos. I found it really funny, creative and well-thought out. Excellent. Also good luck to Lil Nas X with the new album. I hope it goes really well for him. 🙂

Finally here is Keiynan Lonsdale with his song Rhythm & Music. I absolutely love the song. It is so catchy and the music video has some amazing dancing from Keiynan in it. The music video is also very storytelling, it reminds me of scenes from dance movies and I love the romantic storyline in the video too. I think the chemistry is acted very well between Keiynan and his love interest in the video.

Beauty On A Budget: Chess Look

Hi everyone! 🙂

Here is my latest Beauty On A Budget look. Hope you all like it. 🙂

First Steps

Use Miss Beauty London’s Ready Set Go! powder on your face and neck. Brush eyebrows and put the black colour from Max & More’s 12 Color Eyeshadow Palette on your eyebrows and under your eyelids. Using the same eyeshadow palette draw the black and white squares on your cheeks. Have one square coming out from the top middle of the other square. From the same palette put white on one eyelid and black on the other eyelid. Put Miss Beauty London’s False Lash Effect Mascara – Black on your eyelashes.

Final Steps

Also using the same palette paint half your lips black and the other half white. Cover with Miss Beauty London’s Lipstick Sealer.

Poem: Banish The Demons

Photo by Alberto Gasco on Unsplash

Listening to those who hold you back

is easy to do,

their words are repetitive,

so repetitive that it becomes ‘truth’ in your head,

the confusion as to why someone wants to hurt you

when you have done nothing to them,

it is hard to wrap your head around the motives

and then you believe what you hear,

you state your case,

they play the victim,

act like you are harsh,

mind games,

tangling knots in your head,

knots it takes mighty strength to break free from,

take your time,

breathe,

believe in you in tiny steps,

bring yourself back from the depths,

you have so much to offer this world,

so much good,

you want people to be happy,

free,

treated equal,

now is that a bad person?

Banish that negative voice,

it has no business being there.