Part 12: The Inner World Of Bullying

This is the final part in my 12-part series The Inner World Of Bullying.

Putting Yourself Back Out There

Photo by Cullan Smith on Unsplash

Bullying is one of those things which you run away from ever getting into again once you have survived it. It’s like quicksand. Once you get out of it, you are pretty confident you could get out of it again but also having being in it, you are too wise to how emotionally-draining it can be. I know that feeling only too well and yet I am going to disagree completely with it. No, it is not nice to be back in those situations but are you going to let fear stop you, a survivor of bullying, from doing what you want in life? Please, I don’t think so. Look I haven’t figured this fully out and I am still pretty scared of this happening if I am too true to myself so I’m a great one to talk. But still I know there is a strength and fire there within me and within you because you don’t come through bullying and not have a very strong backbone and a deep inner strength. You have already overcome it and you could 20 million more times. You’d rather not but you could. When push comes shove, you are ready even when you don’t think you are. So put yourself out there, be a bit fearless, you can handle bullies. You’re a tough cookie and you have too much experience with people like that to not be able to.

Live Your Life

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Where I am at in my own life right now is that I am a bit nervous to put myself out there as me. Trans and opinionated. I think a lot of my fear for doing so comes from my past and part of that is from previous bullying experiences. It’s a weird feeling because on one hand I know I would be defiant and strong in the face of bullying but I also don’t trust myself for some weird reason that I could. And in all honesty I would rather not have that type of a situation happening because it’s a draining and difficult situation to be in. There is so much mind games in bullying nowadays that they would nearly put you down as the bully for standing up for yourself. You nearly would avoid the conflict because of those games. But that’s not really in some ways the right thing to do because they get away with their bullying ways and you are the one who loses out. I’m not saying I am going to run into a situation like that quickly but I think that’s the path I’m going down if I come across more bullies and somewhere along the line I’m sure I will and I am getting myself strong enough to do it. Because I have never let bullies or gaslighters or bigots get me down or stop anything in my life and I don’t intend to start now. I have talked about my own experience there but whatever your experience or approach is, don’t let anyone stop you doing what you need to do. And most of all don’t blame yourself if you can’t get the courage straightaway to do all you want to do. I’m so driven and impatient that I do that sometimes and I shouldn’t.

Traits I Have From My Experience

Photo by Owen Beard on Unsplash

My experience of being bullied left me with many traits or at the very least added to them. I am incredibly mentally tough. I always think of myself as a robot sometimes because nothing hardly seems to affect me. I think when you’re targeted to be bullied, being liked is not something you worry as much about. I always say I approve of myself and it’s the only approval I will ever need and part of that comes from being bullied. From very early on in my life I knew what it was like to not be liked and more than that to be so not liked that someone would bully you. It gave me very early on a thing of look who’s saying it and take no heed. That led into whoever is being cruel, pay no heed. My experience left me with a defiance and a feeling of you will never bring me down and nobody who tries it ever has. It left me with a love of difference because difference is the main reason people are bullied. It left me with a gentleness for those facing bullying because I know how it feels. It left me with a clarity because I can see through people using bullying to their advantage. It left me with a forgiveness for people because though hard, I forgave those who bullied me and these days it is easier to do so. It left me with an understanding that this is my reaction to bullying but everyone’s reaction is different and none is more right than another.

Why I Created This Series

Photo by Content Pixie on Unsplash

I started this series for two main reasons. To show the inner world of an experience which is so well known about but often seems to be not known about at all. I also started it because I see people using bullying for their gain who are really bullies themselves. I hope that my series was informative to everyone and most of all that it was helpful to anyone to support them against the bullying so many of us face. You are not alone and you will get through it. Keep your strength up and keep loving yourself.

Affirmations For Those Facing Bullying

Photo by Amanda Jones on Unsplash
  1. What my bullies communicate about me is meaningless in comparison to the love I feel for myself.
  2. Today I will not believe the vicious lies my bullies communicate to me. I will remember that they are communicating about themselves in reality. I communicate the truth about me to myself.
  3. I have the strength and the courage to overcome any obstacle I face.
  4. At the end of this day, I will still love myself and I will not second-guess my responses with the exception of looking at practical solutions going forward.
  5. I live my life for me. I live it for no one else.
  6. Someday this will be the past. I do not have to live with this. They do. I forgive them and hope they can forgive themselves.
  7. I am proud of my strength and my defiance. Those are qualities that I should cherish and be extremely proud and thankful to have. They are not qualities I should be ashamed of or feel guilty about.
  8. There is times I will be got down, maybe lots of times, maybe all the time but that does not make me weak. I am strong and I am facing something which isn’t normal to face with strength even when it gets to me.
  9. My life is important. It matters. No one can make me think any differently.
  10. How I think about myself in this situation is all that matters. I choose to think of myself positively and with confidence.

5 comments on “Part 12: The Inner World Of Bullying

  1. cindy knoke says:

    Such an important post. Thank you.

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