The idea for the following blog post I found on an incredible blog called Chateau Cherie
I did the first part of this in lockdown and I was meant to continue but you know life got in the way and all that. However I think maybe that is for the best as right now I probably need to write these letters to my younger self as I think they are really helping me a bit to grow strong enough to take on this whole journey as a trans man so thank you so much Cherie for the idea. 🙂
And now stop waffling Mitch, go …
Dear Teenage Mitch,
I wrote to you last on the 26th of October 2022 (and yes I did look that up because the memory is still as bad as its ever been) and yes you read that right Mitch because that’s your name now. Yes it sounds like a very small dog but get over yourself, it’s your name and you picked it. You are a trans man. You realised on the 12th of January this year 2022. Which means two things: you began living more that day and the party poppers can go off on that day in 2023. But on a serious note I know that you suppressed this so much now that it took you so long to come out of it. There is signs there and please don’t be afraid of those signs. Stop suppressing them. This is a beautiful thing about you and you should embrace it and love it. I’m not going to say that the path is always going to be easy. Currently writing this you are quite fearful about going out into the world and being open about yourself. You are also overwhelmed by the things you have to look into and do. The latter you are taking as much as you can in your stride. The former you are still nervous but you are gradually seeing that courage is not the absence of fear. It is being filled with it and still going for it. A lot of letters or advice for your younger self tends to be the older you advising the younger you and for the most part that’s right because I do know more than you. It’s a fact Mitchy, deal with it! 🙂 But there is so much I can learn from you. You are practically half my age and yet you have so much sussed that I lost along the way. Well it might be still there but it’s not as easy to access these days. I see you going through bullying and part of that bullying is people negatively judging you for being different and you don’t care. Let me explain though, the thing about life and being in the world for a bit longer is that you learn a lot about the depths of hate and how far some people will go to affect you mentally, emotionally and physically. You know a bit about it now but not much and I wouldn’t want you to. With that need to protect yourself comes the fear. Makes sense of course. When you are in danger or you feel you are or might be, the natural reaction is fear. But you don’t have the same level of fear in you right now and mostly all that is coming through is that you don’t care. And there is something for me to learn from that. Fear is not all bad but I see your strength in the face of hatred and I know that’s still within me and when I think of that I know I’ve got this. I owe it to you and to myself now to open up and let people know who I am. You fought to get me here and I will be damned if I let the opportunity you gave me by your fearlessness and your will to survive in a sometimes nasty world slip through my fingers. I will survive, live and more than that succeed and be so incredibly happy. I’m telling you now that you are loved and you will be loved. Now transphobes and bullies won’t love you but that’s a good thing Mitchy. You don’t want to be loved by them believe me! 🙂 And don’t fall for the lies. These people will say no one can love you or similar. Everyone is lying when they say they love or like you, that sort of thing. Those chestnuts. Even people love them. There is people there to love everyone in this world as they are. Love is beautiful and it’s also subjective so people will love and like you as you are. So yeah that’s all propaganda bullshit designed to make you feel bad about yourself. Feel excellent, laugh and move on. You are a wonderful young man and I’m not fully sure you know that but it will come in time. But stop being afraid of change and afraid to be vulnerable. Change is good. Being vulnerable is good. You are strong but you are also fragile. Congrats Mitch, you are human. Be strong and survive but know this too. Being scared and vulnerable does not mean you won’t survive. You always survive. You are going to be ok. I will make sure of that. Finally thank you for helping me see sense and helping me become more ready for what’s to come. I love you.
Love from 32 year old Mitch.
For part 1 of this post go to: