Poem: Unconditionally

Here is another poem from my character Mitch’s perspective. I didn’t actually plan on writing this one. I was writing some emotional scenes in the book and listening to Adele’s amazing comeback song Easy On Me on loop and it kind of just flowed out. Writers will understand what I mean, I’m sure! 🙂 I do promise that Mitch has a lot of happy moments too which will appear in later poems, just I’m writing a lot of the sadder moments at the moment. Hope you all like the poem. 🙂

I look at my reflection in the mirror,

bags are under my eyes,

I am starting to look my age,

all my life I have had people

blame me for things I wasn’t to blame for,

learned early life wasn’t fair

but now I am blaming myself,

I brought these children into the world,

into this situation,

that wasn’t fair of me,

I just want them to love themselves

but I know how hard it is to in this life,

I just should have thought of the consequences,

I shouldn’t have been so goddamn trusting

but I was young and he was charming,

he swept me off my feet

and then he changed,

he became like my father,

now things are so complex,

conflict and tension,

fear and mind games,

my husband and father telling the kids to ‘toughen up’ one minute

and the next that they are ‘hard on people’ when they show their beautiful hearts,

back then I had dreams of this family Nate and I would have,

we would encourage and support them,

never teach them to be needlessly fearful,

to know their worth,

to love themselves,

I had all these good intentions but I was naive

and because of my stupidity my children are going to grow up unsure of themselves,

battling through circles of emotions,

I was such a fool,

made so many mistakes,

accepting Nate’s date,

taking him back,

letting him talk me into Dad coming into the kids’ lives,

whatever I felt about Dad I realised I was being selfish

to stop them from seeing their grandfather

but there was a reason I didn’t want them to,

his values are going to make them as unhappy as they made me,

I am drowning slowly in this mess I allowed to happen,

if I sink I can’t help my children to become the beautifully thoughtful adults

I know they can be,

I can’t sink,

I can’t afford to,

I look back at my reflection,

yes I was lacking in life experience once upon a time,

walked into things like a deer in the headlights

but I’m not that young man anymore,

I forgive that young man for the mistakes he made,

now I’m older and I need to act it,

I need to protect my kids from the senseless pain

they would face and tell them each day that

they are wonderful just as they are whoever that may be,

I need to get us out of here before they believe they are things they aren’t,

before Nate and my father project things about themselves onto them,

they are too young to understand their motives,

I’m old and I know the damage it will do

so I need to be responsible,

let Nate and my father say what they want about me,

they have said it all before,

my skin has hardened,

I am too old to be scared,

at least openly,

my children need me

and nobody is going to stand in the way of their happiness,

their wellbeing being excellent,

to have a reasonably carefree life

and a father who they can come to about anything

without worry or shame,

my father always said I like to win,

Nate said so too

but they are wrong,

there is no winners and losers here,

it was never a contest,

I tried to fight for my own happiness

and peace of mind because I was hurt and scared,

looking to be loved unconditionally in all the wrong places,

no one wins,

no one loses,

my kids get their beautiful future

and they know that I love them unconditionally

and that’s the only thing I am interested in,

the only thing since I held each of them in my arms

at the hospitals I have ever been interested in.

2 comments on “Poem: Unconditionally

  1. Vartika says:

    What a lovely poem! Loved it

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