Poem: Guilty

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When he was in school

he was very shy

and many of the kids

would bully him,

the gang which was headed

by his year’s meathead

would over the years

hurt and humiliate him

and made him dislike his bullies

then he felt bad for disliking them

and for not trying to understand them

and so he felt guilty.

In high school

he told his Dad that he was gay,

his Dad didn’t disown him

but spent years trying to understand

and when he finally did

he never apologised for the pain

he had caused his son,

never acknowledged it,

never said it wouldn’t happen again,

it was like it never happened,

in the time his Dad was trying to understand

he felt that was wrong,

he thought if he claims I’m equal

what is there to understand?

But then he wondered why he couldn’t try to

understand his Dad,

again he felt guilty.

He was no saint,

no angel,

by 27 he was set to marry

his boyfriend with the secret

that he had cheated on him

a few times in the early stages

of their relationship,

again he felt guilty.

But there was one thing he had learned

over the years,

to feel guilty about when he wronged someone,

not about when they wronged him

so he felt guilty about his boyfriend

but no longer about the bullies or his Dad

and while that changed nothing on the outside,

it changed everything on the inside,

those sins that weren’t his

which he had carried for years in his heart,

weighing him down

were now gone to their rightful owners

and if they had a conscience

those sins could be on theirs,

he had enough on his

without taking theirs on too.

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