I sort of debated whether to speak about this because it was a Twitter comment and who really cares about Twitter comments? But I think I probably should because I am guessing that I am probably not the only one who is being said things like this to because they are speaking about racial injustice. Let me be very clear, I don’t wish the person/people who said this any ill will. This is simply me talking about my side of it and about something I find quite ugly that is going on right now.
The thing is that first of all I agree with the person/people to the extent that a lot of people are opportunistic. You won’t find me disagreeing with that at all. But painting everyone with the same brush is wrong in my opinion. Let me paint the scene for you: I put up a link to my poem A Change Is Gonna Come and not long after an account posts that comment and blocks me instantly. The person/people behind this account do not even know me. They don’t know anything about me as a person or what I stand for. If this was based on something, even if I didn’t agree with them, then ok but it was based on nothing. It all happened too quick for it to be based on something.
The comment is no longer there. I don’t know why. Maybe that’s what happens when you’re blocked. I’m not sure but it’s disappeared anyway. But for that moment, that person or people were clearly out for trouble. They actually weren’t going to get any because I wasn’t going to respond.
It did hurt, it’s a hurtful comment. I shouldn’t admit that but it is true. I am human and things do hurt. It hurt because I am so far from what they were painting me as. I’m by no means a goody-goody but when I say I am passionate about social issues, I mean I am passionate about social issues. There is no ulterior motive, there never has been. It sometimes feels like caring about people is thought of as so weird and so unnatural that surely it can’t be true.
Now, at the moment there is far more important things going on in the world obviously than me being told that I’m being childishly opportunistic but comments like this can be affecting to a person if they aren’t one bit like that and that’s why I’m talking about it. Now, I was hurt by it because I would never use peoples’ misery for my gain but I didn’t take it in and I didn’t believe it about myself. However, I do know what it’s like to believe things like this about yourself. Once, a few times, a person with lower self-esteem might, and that’s a might, pass it over but if something is said over and over or even seen indirectly over and over they will start believing it about themselves. By all means have your opinion, be passionate about it but have some basis to it in regards to that person specifically if you are going to specifically say it to them, be willing to hear what someone might say back to you if they wish to say something and there is no need to be rude. And just for information purposes childish is a very triggering word for people because a lot of people have been gaslighted with that word. I know that from experience so you may not mean it from that place but that instantly brings up a lot of bad memories for a lot of us so that’s something to be mindful of.
I wrote that poem from a good place. I certainly didn’t have badness in my heart writing it and I think most people got that. It saddened me to think someone or some people (I don’t know how many people run the account) would take badness from it but sadly that is the way some people are. It certainly won’t change anything I’m doing. I’m not the silent type, hehe. I will continue to do what I’m doing, what I have always done. And I hope comments like these do not put people off doing what they feel is right. Don’t doubt what is in your heart and don’t doubt yourself. That is a very dark place so you be you, you speak out if you want to and you be happy and content because no one deserves to make you feel any other way.