Watch the waves gush over and over. Life in slow motion. Isn’t it strange how they never stop going back and forth, back and forth? It would be safe to just look at them and stay out of the danger of ruin. Breathe in the final moments. Watch the air exhale and make a mist. That’s life. It’s so beautiful even in it’s ugliness that tears form in my eyes. The future has transformed from wonderful to bleak like a sunny day when the sky starts to get dark. The onslaught of gloomy weather and rain. If only we could erase one day from our lives? If I could then maybe the waves wouldn’t mean much to me on this calm evening that feels dark in my eye line.
Of course they wouldn’t matter. Like six weeks ago as he held me in his arms and tickled me in my sides gently because I had stupidly let him in on the fact that it was my ticklish spot. I laughed carefreely as the wind swept through my hair. It was just another day. Just another trip to the beach with ’99s and sun tan lotion. But then in the blink of an eye, in the blink of five tides of waves, everything changed.
It was like any other day. My best friend from childhood Rick came along to join us on the beach. We were having our weekly drinking session on the beach. Yes, I knew Carl was jealous of Rick but I couldn’t just cut Rick callously out of my life. He had been in it long before I had met Carl. In a way I thought the situation was awkward but harmless. But as the drink flowed things got dangerous. Angry words were exchanged between the two men in my life. Forgive me for I thought in an naive fashion that it would not go beyond mere words. Instead it escalated. Punches were thrown and it was only then that I realised the seriousness of the situation I was in. Before I knew it Carl picked up a bottle and hit Rick over the head. When I knelt down to feel his pulse he was gone.
Before the night was out we had buried Rick in a nearby forest. My insides ached with guilt as I thought of the day I was an introvert young girl in playschool and this larger than life young boy had made me feel less lonely. But since then I had grown up and met the man I loved. And when push came to shove I chose to save him instead of allow justice for Rick and his family. And although I felt guilt it was nothing compared to the fear which I felt for us. I was prepared to let it lie until Rick’s body was found.
That was when I slipped the poison into Carl’s coffee to save him this morning. Then I came back to this beach where this hell all began. Watched the waves one last time. Told myself that this was the last few seconds, the last few waves, of my life. Victoria Morgan would be no more. I stand up, take a few steps towards the ocean towards my destiny.